You’ve made
a terrible mistake – you’ve cheated on your partner. Is there any way back?
All this
happened so suddenly and so quickly that you did not really have to time to reflect
back and think about it. You thought it’d be good to have a little extra fun;
after all, your partner wouldn’t ever know about it. You thought you’d be able
to cover it up naturally and everything will just remain as smooth as it ever
was. And, perhaps, you thought you deserved it more than anyone else. But here
you are, thinking: What was I doing really?
Will I ever be able to rebuild the
trust of my partner? Will I ever be able to recover my sanity? Well, here are some good and bad news
for you. Good news is that yes, you
can rebuild the trust of your partner and make your relationship even better
than before. Bad news is that it
takes time and effort, and requires you to remain patient till the very end.
#1: First things first, admit that it happened
and stop lying. You need to understand that the worst thing that could ever
happen in the relationship has already happened, and concealing or hiding it
won’t help. If you really want your marriage to work, you cannot continue to
lie or twist the facts. You got to make sure that both you and your partner are
on the same side of the page, and completely understand each other.
#2: Remain consistent, responsive and
comforting. Make yourself an open book – be present when you say will be.
Be prepared to answer all the questions of your partner and do not ever get vexed
or annoyed. Find out what your partner desires, and do what you can to make the
situation better.
#3: Stop being defensive or attempting to assign
the blame to someone else. This is not the time to try to avert the danger
by coming up with “reasonable excuses”. This is the time of remorse and
self-assessment. Take full responsibility for all that happened. This not only means
making sure that such an incident never takes place again but also taking a
deep look at what brought you to cheat.
#4: Create some restraint on your activities. You’ve
cheated your partner once; you cannot afford to do it again. You had the luxury
to come and go at will, but you no longer have that, and it will take time to
get it back. Make sure you stick to a fixed routine, but if in any case you
can’t, inform your partner. Every time you leave your house, your partner will
wonder if you’re really going where you say you are going. To ease such
insecurities, offer your partner to come along with you or pay an occasional
visit to your workplace. Let her know that you have nothing to hide from her,
and this will only be achieved with time. You must not get irritated by these
restraints but rather understand that they are for your own betterment.
#5: Keep your promises. Make sure that
whenever you make a promise, you keep it. There is no exception to this rule –
you must do whatever you promise to do. Your words and deeds must come from an
unwavering and total integrity.
Finally,
remember these three golden words: Affection,
attention and appreciation. Tell yourself that your partner deserves these
after such a devastating incident. Put yourself in her position and think what
would help to alleviate her feeling of insecurity. By all means, show your
spouse that how much love you carry for them.
In a
nutshell, cheating or infidelity doesn’t have to lead to a divorce. Sure, it’s
a heart-breaking event for your partner, but re-building the trust and sanity is
possible. It would take time – a lot of it – but things will be even better
than before!
Savannah
Founder & Coach
Get Immediate Help Right Now &
Survive the Affair
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